A highly unscientific survey - Livre d'Or








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livredor
A highly unscientific survey
Monday, 16 October 2006 at 09:46 pm
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This is inspired by a discussion in a friends locked post. Please tick as many boxes as seem relevant, but make sure to answer only the question applicable to your gender.

If you don't define yourself as either "male" or "female", that's wonderful and liberated of you but there is no space for you in my poll. Answer in a comment if you like, and preferably don't hate me. The reason for this is that LJ polls have no direct way to link answers in two different categories, and for this particular poll I'm interested in the people who are still part of the binary gendered majority.

Poll #846234 Post feminism?

Please only answer this question if you are male. In your household, who does most of the housework?

Me. I live alone.
13(48.1%)
Me. I care about it more.
1(3.7%)
Me. I'm better at it.
0(0.0%)
Me, for sound practical reasons.
0(0.0%)
Me, because that's my gender role.
0(0.0%)
We share everything exactly 50:50.
1(3.7%)
My partner.
2(7.4%)
My male partner.
0(0.0%)
Someone else in the household who is not my partner (eg platonic housemate, parents, children).
2(7.4%)
Someone we pay (eg cleaner, help, au pair etc).
1(3.7%)
Nobody ever does any housework here.
0(0.0%)

Please only answer this question if you are female. In your household, who does most of the housework?

Me. I live alone.
12(21.4%)
Me. I care about it more.
5(8.9%)
Me. I'm better at it.
1(1.8%)
Me, for sound practical reasons.
2(3.6%)
Me, because that's my gender role.
0(0.0%)
We share everything exactly 50:50.
5(8.9%)
My partner.
6(10.7%)
My female partner.
2(3.6%)
Someone else in the household who is not my partner (eg platonic housemate, parents, children).
5(8.9%)
Someone we pay (eg cleaner, help, au pair etc).
1(1.8%)
Nobody ever does any housework here.
3(5.4%)
Oh yes, I am displacing from my own housework, why do you ask?


Whereaboooots: Älvsjö, Stockholm, Sweden
Moooood: mischievousmischievous
Tuuuuune: Poets of the Fall: Carnival of rust
Discussion: 42 contributions | Contribute something
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wychwood: Arch - archaeology
From:wychwood
Date:October 16th, 2006 08:06 pm (UTC)
12 minutes after journal entry
(Link)
We have a cleaner (when she turns up). Otherwise, I do most of it, because my father and brother both work long hours and my mother physically can't do much. I sometimes get frustrated with how little my brother does (partly because it's not fair, and partly because of feminist issues - I think he and/or my mother *may* subconsciously think that it's the girl's job, and he has no idea how much work is involved in looking after yourself, because he's never lived away from home at all), but he does work very long hours, and I'm at home pretty much all the time.
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leora: ouroboros
From:leora
Date:October 16th, 2006 08:09 pm (UTC)
15 minutes after journal entry, 12:09 pm (leora's time)
(Link)
I answered as best as I could. The problem is the division shouldn't be 50-50 as my household is somewhere between 4 to 6 adults.

I do a disproportionate amount of the housework, because I'm the only one in the household for whom if the dishes aren't done, it means I don't get to eat. We divide housework up roughly by ability, which means the one driver with car does most of the driving tasks, the sysadmin does most of the computer tasks, etc. This actually does put us mostly into stereotypical gender roles, but simply because of how the abilities happen to fall (why they fall there may well be for cultural reasons, but it's still the way it is). Except that most of the cooking used to be done by my male partner, except now he's way too busy in school and isn't home much.

However, a lot of people just don't do their share. It's just the way it is. And many of the people are what I call "burst workers". Every now and then they go on a cleaning spree, and that's great. And then for long periods of time they do almost nothing. Whereas I do dishes pretty much every day, along with other work.

Also, in theory, my share shouldn't be too large, because of disability. I'm not particularly happy that I'm doing as much as I am, but there are some factors that may make that better as time passes. Anyhow, I think it's the females who generally aren't doing as much as they should. Although now and then they do a bunch, and that's great. It's possible it does balance, but it doesn't feel like it to me.
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chickenfeet2003: default
From:chickenfeet2003
Date:October 16th, 2006 08:18 pm (UTC)
24 minutes after journal entry, 03:18 pm (chickenfeet2003's time)
(Link)
I found this very hard to answer. I do almost all the cooking and most of the laundry. I probably load and unload the dishwasher five times more often than K. It's almost always me who cleans the catboxes and takes the trash and recycling out. She does most of the dusting, floor and surface cleaning type stuff.
(Reply to this comment) (Thread)
From:ewtikins
Date:October 16th, 2006 08:19 pm (UTC)
25 minutes after journal entry, 08:19 pm (ewtikins's time)
(Link)
I think we've decided that mstevens has a higher tolerance for filth than I do, and I have a higher tolerance for clutter than he does. I'm better about cleaning the bathroom, he's better about putting things away after finishing using them. Between us it just about works, except that we're both pretty intermittent in everything except washing-up (which generally does get done within 24 hours, but wouldn't if either of us lived alone).

Unfortunately, the way of clutter is such that it makes cleaning up the filth difficult, so I feel much guilt.

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beckyzoole: default
From:beckyzoole
Date:October 16th, 2006 08:22 pm (UTC)
28 minutes after journal entry, 02:22 pm (beckyzoole's time)
(Link)
My (male) partner does most of the laundry, probably because I have plenty of clothes and don't think about doing laundry until the only underpanty left is the joke black-lace crotchless thong. bbwoof, on the other hand, has only half a dozen work shirts and throws a load in the washer whenever he's down to just three of them.

On the other hand, he doesn't notice dirt in the bathroom or kitchen, and is content to share space with dustbunnies. I'm not, so I sweep and wipe up a lot. He does pitch in and work when asked.
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dampscribbler: default
From:dampscribbler
Date:October 16th, 2006 08:29 pm (UTC)
34 minutes after journal entry, 12:29 pm (dampscribbler's time)

Not exactly

(Link)
I answered that my dh and I split everything 50:50, though that's not quite true -- it seemed closest to true. I do the cooking and the laundry, because I like to be in charge of both of those things. He does the dishes (because otherwise the wood floors would be ruined by my inability to not splash), mows the yard, and, with a lot of sighing and complaining, takes out the garbage.

Anything else that gets done gets done by me, but only when it gets too gross to stand. So, we're both really good at avoiding the housework. We both ignore it 50:50.

He does a lot of childcare, too. Changing diapers and clothes. Usually I get her ready for dinner and he cleans her up three minutes later when she shouts "I'm. All done! I'm. All done!"

He reads the newspaper a hell of a lot more than I do, though.

(Reply to this comment) (Thread)
deborah_c: GaFilk 2006
From:deborah_c
Date:October 16th, 2006 08:29 pm (UTC)
35 minutes after journal entry, 08:29 pm (deborah_c's time)
(Link)
We're still evolving arrangements here, but I think I do more of it partly because Elise isn't here very much, and partly because we (therefore) create more of the mess. (The children, of course, are not easy to herd into doing anything positive; if I can get them to keep their own rooms faintly tidy, I tend to feel I'm doing well...) Having said that, having enough time to do enough of it is proving difficult, which I'm rather ashamed about.

When I lived with my (female) now-ex, she did more of the housework than I did, but I was working full-time while she took several years off to look after children. Cooking tended to be more my responsibility, though, and major blitzes involved us equally.
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rysmiel: enemy of entropy
From:rysmiel
Date:October 16th, 2006 08:34 pm (UTC)
40 minutes after journal entry, 04:34 pm (rysmiel's time)
(Link)
papersky and zorinth and I, when we moved into this house, sat down and listed all the household tasks, divided them up into ones we each actively liked, didn't mind, disliked, hated with a passion, or could not do [ that last including frex zorinth, as a minor, not being in a position to ring the bank to harass them etc. ] and worked out what seemed the best balanced position for all of us.

In practice, I do a whole lot of focused cleaning and brushing and dusting and so on at weekends, it being something that papersky loathes, and tasks that will raise an excessive lot of dust in the air I do when I'm sure of being on my own in the house for a goodly chunk of time, out of kindness to people with asthma, and papersky cooks most days because she actively enjoys it, as well as being much better at it than either of us - it's in the agreement that on days when she's not up to it or really does not want to, we eat out or order in; this works a lot better in terms of both variety and economy in Montreal than it would anywhere else any of us have lived.

Ther have been some minor tweaks since we got here - I have become much better at not forgetting to bring the recycling out Monday mornings since my job was formally changed from "bring the recycling out" to "swear about forgetting to bring the recycling out" - and there are overlays of other things, like hefting bookshelves about [ which Z and I do ] and painting [ which we have ended up all doing, though I dislike it intensely, because I would appear to be rather good at it ] that have become needful given the apartment-doubling. In general it seems to work OK, though Z goes through occasional phases of rules-lawyering* over being asked to do incidental helpful things outside the standard format.

*I first described this as "barracks-lawyering" but he said "no, if I were barracks-lawyering you'd have sold me before you discovered Gunpowder"...
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rysmiel: OCD much ?
From:rysmiel
Date:October 17th, 2006 07:17 pm (UTC)
23 hours after journal entry, 03:17 pm (rysmiel's time)
(Link)
Further potentially relevant datum; this is in a context where I work something very close to regular business hours, and papersky works from home and tends to work in bursts; the balance of things changes a lot when she is having very productive days, and would probably change a lot if that pattern of other time commitments were to change.
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(no subject) - doseybat (10/18/06 05:16 pm)
darcydodo: default
From:darcydodo
Date:October 16th, 2006 08:38 pm (UTC)
44 minutes after journal entry, 02:38 pm (darcydodo's time)
(Link)
Except I couldn't actually answer accurately at all, since "well, if the housework gets done at all, I'm probably more likely to have done it, especially things like cleaning the bathroom sink, but on the other hand, Ian makes a lot more dishes than I do so technically he should do the dishes more often, but they just tend to build up, but he also knows it's his responsibility though it's mine sometimes; and then when someone's coming over we both panic and things get split about 50/50 as they did just on Saturday because my aunt and uncle were coming" doesn't really fit into ticky boxes. :)

I do think that some of the discrepancy does boil down to gender. If we have an empty sink and I produce one or two dishes, then I generally feel like I should wash them right away. As was demonstrated this morning, Ian feels like it's way to much effort to wash one spoon and a glass right after he uses them and would rather wait until there are at least ten things in the sink before he washes any of them. Whereas if there are a bunch of things in the sink already, I go, "ugh, I can't be bothered to wash this dish, I'll just stick it on top of what's already there, it's not going to make the sink any dirtier than it already is." And I think that really is partially a gender-inspired difference. I don't say, "Oh, I'm a woman, I should do housework," and Ian doesn't say, "Oh, I'm a man, I shouldn't do housework," but we react differently to the necessity of doing certain pieces of housework on a very basic level.
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rysmiel: iChor
From:rysmiel
Date:October 16th, 2006 08:50 pm (UTC)
56 minutes after journal entry, 04:50 pm (rysmiel's time)
(Link)
I don't know whether that's a gender-inspired division, because nobody in our house would ever think to wash one thing at a time - unless in a situation of being one instance of said thing short of an immediate need, which does not happen often - rather than to get a whole pile of stuff done.

There is definitely a distinction between people who find unwashed dishes left on surfaces gross and people who find unwashed dishes left in water gross, though. [ This for plates that have had bread on and glasses and such things, rather than things that inarguably need soaking to be cleanable. ] I find myself supporting the latter category largely because I have lived with people who thought The Way To Do Things was to chuck all the cutlery into the wash-basin immediately upon finishing a meal, and I have cut my hands on knives left in water too many damned times.
(Reply to this comment) (Up thread) (Parent) (Thread)
(no subject) - redbird (10/18/06 02:00 am)
(no subject) - pir_anha (10/17/06 02:19 am)
(no subject) - emmavescence (10/17/06 04:43 am)
791_43: Girls-who-are-boys
From:791_43
Date:October 16th, 2006 08:45 pm (UTC)
51 minutes after journal entry
(Link)
I've only been living on my own for three weeks though. *g* When I lived with my parents, none of us really did much in the way of housework, but I did the least amount because I cared less than my parents.
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lumiere: default
From:lumiere
Date:October 16th, 2006 08:47 pm (UTC)
53 minutes after journal entry, 12:47 pm (lumiere's time)
(Link)
There's four of us in the household; none of us do "most" of the housework.
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kathrid: default
From:kathrid
Date:October 16th, 2006 09:11 pm (UTC)
1 hours after journal entry
(Link)
Me and loreid seem (I think, and will be surprised if she says different) to do about the same amount of housework. We originally divided the jobs between us, largely based on who could do what, and then divided what was left to leave us roughtly even. In practice we're both fairly lazy and things get left for a while, so she often ends up doing some washing up (my job), while I think I'm the only person to wash the bath since March (her job).
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quizcustodet: default
From:quizcustodet
Date:October 16th, 2006 09:51 pm (UTC)
1 hours after journal entry, 09:51 pm (quizcustodet's time)
(Link)
My initial reaction to this question was 'Someone I pay' - because, living in college, I have a scout who does the vacuuming, cleans sink and bathroom, etc. Only on reading others' comments did it occur to me to consider cooking and laundry as part of the housework, so I went back to add 'Me, I live alone'. I don't know why this is, but I suspect it's because my mother has much higher standards of cleanliness than I do. Thus while I was living at home, 'housework' was all the stuff I felt was unnecessary that Mom made me do anyway. As I like having cooked food and clean clothing, those things are clearly necessary and not housework!
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draconid: default
From:draconid
Date:October 16th, 2006 10:14 pm (UTC)
2 hours after journal entry, 10:14 pm (draconid's time)
(Link)
Apologies for the conflicting answers but nothing really fitted. Generally we don't "do housework" unless someone's coming to visit - other than the essentials (washing clothes, washing dishes, cooking, taking out the rubbish, etc). I generally do more of the essentials, mainly because I give in more quickly, although we share cooking fairly evenly (60:40) and Rat does the rubbish more than me. But when it comes to the chores we only do because someone's visiting (or we're finally totally fed up of the mess) - Rat does more than me. So it all balances out!
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lavendersparkle: Mad hatter
From:lavendersparkle
Date:October 16th, 2006 10:19 pm (UTC)
2 hours after journal entry, 10:19 pm (lavendersparkle's time)
(Link)
You didn't include the possiblity of someone doing more of the housework because they enjoyed doing it.

I live by myself now. When I was living with my housemate/lover he definnitely did more of the housework than me. This was partly because I was working much longer hours and partly because I am a lot more of a slob. I tried to balance it out by paying for more things (as I also earned a lot more).
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