Not sheepish, but individ-ewe-al (livredor) wrote,
Not sheepish, but individ-ewe-al

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VD musings

It occurs to me that this is the first Valentine's Day I've been single since 1998. This time in 1998, I was in the middle of an argument with doseybat and Spanish M in which I was holding the position that romantic love was pointless and destructive and the world would be better without such nonsense. I was a few weeks into an intense crush on my best friend, pseudomonas. I was a few days away from a Purim party where I fufilled my obligation to get drunk for the first time in my life, and danced with him rather intimately so that I ended up feeling horribly guilty (he being most decidedly coupled with an old friend of mine at the time) even though nothing in particular happened.

I was a few weeks away from falling violently in love with another dear friend, MK, which was partly distraction from the inappropriate crush on my unavailable best friend, and partly distraction from other stuff that was going on in my life. Thankfully that infatuation was short-lived and didn't hurt our friendship. I was a couple of months away from comforting pseudomonas when he broke up with my friend and his first girlfriend, and a few more months away from the closeness of that time leading to my getting together with him. Less than half a year from the start of my first relationship, then. I thus spent Valentine's Day 1999 with pseudomonas, though I don't think we marked it in any way.

I was also almost exactly half a year from meeting lethargic_man, who was my partner over Valentine's Day 2003 and Valentine's Day 2004. And I was a year away from meeting and falling in love with darcydodo, and two years away from her asking me out. So she was my Valentine for 2000, 2001 and 2002. (Yes, I dated these people in a different order from the order in which I met them. Cope.)

Lots of happy memories, lots of people I love every day of the year and without any regard to whether I happen to be dating them. This year I'm single and decidedly happy about it. I would like to request that my relationship karma be transferred to someone who needs it more than I do, because I know there are a lot of people I care about who would rather not be single today or in general.

Happy Valentine's Day to the people who gave me the privilege of sharing their lives for a while, who provided a framework in which it was socially permissible to express how much I love them. Happy Valentine's Day to my friends who inspire me and bring more love into the world by their devotion in their relationships. Happy Valentine's Day to my friends who were there for me when I was finding relationships and relationship transitions hard going. Happy Valentine's Day to my friends whom I love very dearly whether or not they are my partners (former or actual or potential). Please don't imagine I love you any less just because our culture has fewer superlative words and less admiration for some kinds of love than others.

Those categories overlap a whole lot. I'm not going to make a list of names because I hope my loves know who they are, and this isn't a primary school exercise in delineating who's in my gang. And I have good wishes to spare for anyone who happens to read this, I'm in that kind of mood.

Tongue-in-cheek VD e-card for anyone who would appreciate such a thing.
Tags: essay, friends

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